


When Will I Walk On Water?

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Betrayal and Lies, Gen, mostly castiel pov, never trust the devil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 03:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8271412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: Castiel has work to do.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set around the end of season 4/beginning of season 5.
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal in 2009.

When Castiel jerked awake and the very first thing he saw was the demon Ruby, he knew that he was in serious trouble. Not that he hadn’t already figured that out for himself; getting blown to pieces by an Archangel had been evidence enough of just how much he had angered his superiors. But there was something disconcertingly wrong about seeing a Demon after being punished by an Archangel. Something that didn’t quite fit in with the way he knew his world worked. Angels may, to coin a phrase, be dicks, but they punished their own. They didn’t fob them off on demons, especially not ones that were working towards the same goal, if for very different reasons.

And when Ruby smiled shyly and waved at him, looking as serene and confident as he had ever seen her, serious wasn’t strong enough of a word to describe the predicament he now found himself in.

“About time you woke up, Sleeping Beauty,” Ruby said. “I was getting bored.”

Castiel blinked and slowly sat up. Something was very wrong. Not just with the situation but with himself. For one thing, Ruby appeared almost _docile_. Gone was the harshness of her demon soul underneath her borrowed skin. Instead she looked strangely vulnerable. Human.

More worried than afraid, Castiel took a closer look at his surroundings and discovered that he was still wearing Jimmy Novak’s body, and that he was sitting in the middle of a cage. Surrounded on all sides by nothing and no-one for as far as his eyes could see.

Except the demon.

* * * * * *

“I’ll hold them off! I’ll hold them all off!”

_Safe. Keep Dean safe. Stop them. How could they? How can I? Father, where are you?_

Light. Light so bright even his angel senses burned with it, his corneas flipping inside out, blood pumping around his vessel, faster and faster, making him dizzy with the rush of it.

A snap and Jimmy Novak’s soul is crushed.

* * * * * * 

“Whoa there, sparkles. Tone it down a little.”

Castiel came back to himself with a frown, blinking back the Grace he felt welling up inside him.

“You blacked out,” Ruby explains. Her gaze travels lazily up his body. “Not that I wasn’t appreciating the view.”

He feels the colour rushing to his cheeks as he realises that he is naked and feels a very human shame at having been discovered so. At being _seen_ by a demon.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks her. He meant the question to be forceful, to make her quake with fear. Instead it is just the hint of a whisper. And all Ruby does is tilt her head and smile.

* * * * * *

Pain. Glorious in its intensity. Reaching out and caressing him. Soft fingers trailing along his arms and legs as his eyes burn out of their sockets (why did he never offer to heal Pamela Barnes? Why had his compassion failed him?)

Furious. The Archangel is so mad with him. All that anger, all that hate. He disobeyed. He’s sorry, but he doesn’t regret it.

He’s never going to see Dean again.

* * * * *

Castiel comes to with a whimper, only to find that Ruby is in the cage next to him now. He crawls backwards away from her and flinches when his shoulder hits against the bars of the cage. He twists his neck to see a red welt already marring his skin. It’s as if his body has never felt pain, has never been stabbed or punched or shot.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Ruby says. “You could get hurt.”

She calmly sinks down to the floor and crosses her legs, laying her hands on her knees. She almost looks like she’s praying.

Castiel shakes his head slightly but Ruby only smirks, as if she knows exactly what he’s thinking. It’s a bewildering feeling and he realises with sudden clarity why Dean protested so much at his mind being interfered with; when all you have are your own thoughts they become a precious commodity.

_Dean._

The ache in his chest surprises him. He clenches his fists. He is aware of Ruby’s eyes upon him, the way she looks at him through lowered lashes. She’s holding all the cards and she knows it.

* * * * * * 

His blood is boiling. He can feel it. He can _smell_ it. He tries to turn away but there is nowhere he can go. Nowhere that the Archangel can’t find him.

He used to find beauty in the wrath of his brothers. Now he knows only fear.

* * * * * 

As always when he thinks of Dean, his thoughts soon turn to Sam. Two sides of the same coin. Their love for each other is a far greater protection than any he could bestow.

It’s also got them killed more times than Castiel can believe.

“Shouldn’t you be with Sam?” he asks.

Something like sorrow contorts her features. It’s the first time Castiel can recall seeing her true feelings reflected so clearly.

“Sam doesn’t need me any more.” She shrugs, a half-hearted attempt to reassure him, _herself_ , that she is fine. “He’s the little Hunter that could.”

Castiel frowns, not understanding the reference. All he knows is that if Ruby isn’t with Sam then they have failed. The end times are now.

* * * * * *

Everything is nothing.

He feels his skin tear (his own now that Jimmy is no more), feels his atoms contract and contract and then the last spark of his existence is gripped in too eager hands and he feels the Archangels’s joy at the moment of his destruction.

* * * * * 

“Lucifer rose.”

He knows it to be true. He doesn’t need to see Ruby smile and nod. He feels it to be true. He knew from the moment he truly came back to himself, but it still hurts. To say the words aloud. To know his sacrifices came to nothing.

“Never mind,” Ruby tells him, far too cheerfully. She pats his leg and he moves it away from her. “After all, you’re here now.” She motions to the cage around them.

It’s bigger than he remembered. Brighter. He can see the bars shimmer. They’re beautiful. Far more beautiful than they have any right to be.

He turns to Ruby, a question on his lips he never asks. He can see her. Not just the shell that she inhabits but the real her, the demonic cloud that swirls around inside the pretty vessel. He can’t believe he never noticed it before. It repels all the light until Ruby sits in a shadow of her own making.

He can’t understand how one minute she was empty and now…

“Somebody brought you back”.

Castiel purses his lips. The fact that she can put voice to his thoughts – pulling them from his mind before he’s let himself examine them, sends shivers through him. A lowly demon like Ruby shouldn’t be able to read an angel so easily.

“Somebody,” he repeats cautiously. “God.”

Ruby’s smile is softer this time, reaching her eyes. For a moment she looks as incandescent as an Archangel.

“Do you think He brought me back too?”

Castiel thinks of what Dean would say to that if he were there and tries to swallow back his incredulous laugh. He isn’t entirely successful, but Ruby doesn’t seem to mind.

“He brought me back,” Castiel says. He’s certain of it, conviction making his voice ring out and the shadow in the cage shrink back.

He moves his hands in front of his face and flexes his fingers. He’s whole again, though dimmed. He feels an odd pull in his chest, feels the lack of who and what he was. His Grace has shrunk. No longer pushing at the boundaries of this vessel, now it fits quite snugly inside. As if this body was made for it.

He cannot hear his brothers and sisters but he supposes that is only to be expected. He did disobey.

Even if his Father understands his choices, the others do not. Can not. Will not.

He’s all alone.

Ruby slinks up to him and puts her arms around him. It is a strange approximation of a hug and he tries not to baulk as her touch sizzles against his skin. The darkness she brings with her threatens to suffocate him.

Ruby pulls back and her gaze drifts out beyond. Beyond the cage they sit in, out into the distance into nothing and nowhere.

“Maybe He wants you to find Him,” she suggests. The words trip easily, too easily, off her tongue. But Castiel feels that she is right. Why else would he be brought back but to do God’s bidding? His Father needs him.

“And you can help the Winchesters,” Ruby says into his ear. “Protect them.”

He nods, slowly. His body is becoming slow to react, as if he’s trying to wade through water and his clothes are holding him back.

It’s with some surprise that he realises he is dressed in Jimmy’s familiar suit and tie and coat. He is equally surprised to realise how comfortable they make him feel.

“There’s an amulet,” Ruby is telling him, her body pressed close. “A very special amulet. Use it to find Him.” Ruby gently strokes Castiel’s face and when he turns towards her, confused, she kisses his forehead. “You have to find Him. Everyone else has let you down. Your brothers. Your sisters. Dean. Sam. Only He can help you now.”

Castiel’s eyelids are heavy, his head drooping. Angels do not need to sleep but right now sleep is all that Castiel can think about.

Ruby gently lowers him to the ground and strokes his hair as he drifts off. “Find Him,” she whispers. “Remember that you have to find Him and nothing else matters.” She uses a fingernail to cut open her wrist and lets some blood drip onto his forehead. “Find Him and forget this place and that you saw me here.”

She feels the air shift and turn, the familiar scent of sulphur as the magic works.

One moment Castiel is there, the next he is gone.

* * * * * * 

Time has no meaning here. Wherever here is. She doesn’t know if she was plucked from oblivion or if this is just where all her kind go once the Knife has shattered the tether between them and the earthly plane. She only knows that she is waiting.

Finally she feels his presence and her heart fills up with the joy of it. She raises onto her knees and bows her head. Gentle hands tilt her head until she is looking up into the eyes of the most beautiful creature in all creation.

“Did I do good?” she asks. Her voice sounds strange to her own ears, her throat ravaged by lack of use.

“Yes, my child, you did very well.” Lucifer sits on the ground in one fluid motion that sends shivers down Ruby’s spine. “Come here.” He pulls her to him and she finds herself curled against him, the soft warmth of his Grace enveloping her.

“So I will be saved?” she asks, even as her eyes begin to drift shut. She feels content now. Everything she’s ever done has been for this moment. This certainty.

“The Winchesters are hidden from me,” he says, fingers carding softly through her hair. “But no matter. I brought Castiel back and I can find him, always. He will find God, and I will find him, and it’s all thanks to you. You are my most loyal servant.” Ruby shifts against him, barely hearing the words as sleep calls to her. “You know all my secrets, all my plans.” He plants a kiss atop her head and she sighs.

Lucifer is an angel. He is familiar with duty and love and compassion.

When the blow comes, Ruby doesn’t feel a thing.  



End file.
